By practising this every day you can be the best version of yourself. Sobriety is nothing to be ashamed of, although it can be at times challenging and painful. It is important to remember why you are doing it and that other people don’t determine your happiness. Similarly, 18 per cent of sober men felt judged in situations with friends, compared to just 12 per cent of sober women. Many people drink and do drugs precisely because they don’t like who they are and want to dull the sensation of their shame, self-loathing—even self-hatred.
- This may be because shame plays a part in the long-term survival of our and other species.
- She woke up hungover the day after her 35th Birthday and decided that she needed to get sober.
- Shame makes you feel like you can’t be your true self and that your true self is inadequate.
- If you open the door for any reason, you know it will kill you.
And, if you’re scared shitless that your life won’t make sense if you stop drinking, find a friend to take you to a meeting and/or reach out to a mental health professional. The movie The Anonymous People by Greg Williams is a life-changing https://ecosoberhouse.com/ film for those feeling shame about being in recovery. He suggests that instead of opening up with « Hi, I am Greg and I am an alcoholic/addict, » saying « I am an individual in long-term recovery » would send a message of pride to others.
Client Success Stories
It may also be a good idea if you go with someone who is supportive of your sobriety or are sober themselves. Alcohol Change UK, found that 1 in 5 people feel pressured to drink by their friends. That’s at least one person sitting around the pub table with you on a Friday night. The person shaming someone for not drinking, for being “boring”, is far closer to the stereotypical view of an “alcoholic” than the person who has chosen not to drink.
Other definitions, however, often focus on the process of recovery and developing coping mechanisms and habits that support health and wellness over the long term. Total abstinence may be the goal, but the reality is that setbacks are common. However, the word is often used in different ways in different contexts. Many 12-step programs suggest that sobriety means total abstinence—never using the substance ever again.
The rise of low-and-no-alcohol drinks
Milestones in sobriety (e.g., 24 hours, a month, three months) are celebrated to recognize the incredible hard work that’s been accomplished through staying sober for a certain length of time. They can help motivate a person to remain sober to reach the next milestone. Triggers for using drugs and alcohol typically are people, places, and things that remind you of your addictive behavior or encourage the use of substances you’re avoiding. Early sobriety may come with feelings of fatigue and the stress of dealing with challenges (people, places, and things that stimulate the urge to use). It’s impossible to know how you’ll react and how your life will change when getting and staying sober. If these emotions become excessive, they can hold you back from recovery.
If you have some additional questions about sober shaming, or you just need support that you can trust, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Granite Recovery Centers. Our Admissions specialists are available 24/7, and are happy to answer any questions you might have. It’s also important to lean on your positive support system—others who are going through or have been through the same thing. Peers you meet in meetings or sober circles will be understanding and supportive.
Are you ashamed to be sober?
People in recovery from a substance use disorder frequently have problems meeting work-related responsibilities, maintaining employment, and managing money. If you were active in your addiction for a period of time, you may have developed financial problems. A mental health professional being sober around drinkers can help you cope with some of the challenges you’ll face on your path to sobriety. Some definitions of sobriety call for complete lifelong abstinence while others focus on developing coping mechanisms that can reduce harm with the understanding that setbacks are common.
- The Facing Addiction foundation has made great progress in this area and I admire and commend their advocacy work.
- Not drinking alcohol – whether for an evening, a month or long-term – should be a decision we can all make freely, that others respect.
- It’s also helpful to change your environment—for instance, avoid going to bars.
- Relapse rates for substance use addictions are around 40% to 60%.
- You may again seek out the people and situations that support your alcohol use.
- Sobriety often, but not always, follows a period of problematic use or addiction.
We’ve seen multiple societal changes in our lifetime, from fashion trends to laws, to name just two, and as I wrote in my last post, there have been a number of changes to the thinking in the addiction field. To accommodate those changes, it appears that the meaning of the word “sober” has changed. If this is you, counseling may be a helpful way to work through difficult thoughts and painful emotions driving the urge to use substances. For more information, see my article on The Benefits of Counseling. When regaining a sense of order and healthy habits, motivational momentum snowballs into building a life you can be proud of. Your mind may tell you’re worthless and that you don’t deserve a better life.
Sobriety Setbacks
Sober shaming doesn’t necessarily just come from family and friends, it can be from strangers too. You might order a non-alcoholic beer and get a funny look or a snidey comment made. This can make you feel trapped and you might feel like everyone in the room is looking at you. You just need to remember that it isn’t true and don’t take the look or comment personally. Everyone has something going on in their life and you need to remember why you are on your recovery journey. Sober shaming is something which people are now starting to address.
